How to Stay an In-Law not an Out-Law

Planning a wedding on it's own can be stressful, right? Layer in on top of that family politics and opinions and it can become overbearing. But rest assured there's a way through everything, even when dealing with inlaws. Now before we dig into strategies on how to handle in-laws let's all acknowledge the pink elephant in the room and face that this possiblity exists. We all want our new families to be perfectly connected with easy flowing communication all filled with warm hugs and relaxing afternoons sipping tea. And for many that exact scenario exists. If you are one of those lucky brides then this post isn't for you. If you have some struggles with your new family, then read on to learn how to turn a Monster-In-Law into a Mother-In-Law.

First, recognize that you are becoming part of a new family. And while you "marry" the whole family, you fell in love with your finacee and that's a lot different. Even in the best case scenarios, it'll take time and effort to build a warm caring relationship. There could be cultural, religious, geographic, social or whatever differences and with some time on your side, you can learn all about them and they can learn all about you.

LISTEN & LEARN

Be open to learning about your fiancees family and share who you are with them. You want to create your own relationship with them that is independent from your fiancees.

HAVE AN OPEN MIND & AN OPEN HEART

Take the lead and reach out to your in-laws. Even if the start is difficult, even if it remains difficult. Stay engaged with them in effort to build respect and forge a meaningful relationship. Often you're thrown in the mix with the in-laws right when the planning begins which immediately puts the relationship in a challenging spot. You're marrying their son, or daughter, there's likely money involved and a whole lot of opinions. This relationship is for the rest of your life though, so take the high road as much as possible and stay focused on the bigger picture not your wedding day only.

PLAN OF ATTACK

Have a, or several, heart to hearts with your fiancee and be on the same page before taking on both sides of parents. It is your day so the tighter your plan is, the better your communication will be with other family members and less confusion wil unfold. Decide what your overall plan and vision is, how involved each parent will be and what you can do to tailor your needs to that parent. What kind of tasks which each parent be best for and what areas are you open to receiving input on? Keep all of your outgoing communciation unified and controlled and don't underestimate the value of flowing praise and thank you's!

LOYALTIES

This is the crux of all these new relationships. Both of you have been a son or daughter much longer than you have been a fiancee or the pending husband and wife role. It's a huge transition for everyone and there can be conflicting loyalties or pressures that can create strain between the two of you. Here's some ground rules, don't ever complain about your fiancees family, even if he does. Listen emphatically but joining the effort can lead to issues between the two of you if he takes it personally. When dealing with the in-laws, deal with them as a couple versus mother-in-law and father-in-law, this will go a long ways in you staying unified and conversations remaining balanced between the four of you.

OUT-LAW

This is a hard one, but try not to take offence. The most important relationship is between you and your fiancee. If you feel out of the loop from "inside stories and laughs" that get shared, be comfortable in reminding them that you weren't there and you'd love to hear about the story. Your relationship with your in-laws has lot's of time to develop. Give it that gift and allow it to bloom slowly. Your days of becoming an in-law are forever and some processes take more time than others. Respect that.

BEYOND THE WEDDING DAY

Create your own unique relationships with your in-laws outside of the wedding planning. Make it a point to discuss other topics and find common ground that can become ongoing conversations. It's really important to build a bond and direct communication is essential for this. Be unified whenever it's about plannng for your big day but initiaite your own dialogue for anything outside of it. 

Bottom line is this. Your in-laws will be a part of your life forever more. Take the time to engage, nurture and relate. It's so worth it in the end!

How to Rock your Wedding Toast

Toastmaster superstars aside, giving a toast to the love of your life at your wedding can be a little nerve-racking. It's an important few minutes packed with things that if forgotten are huge blunders. So how do you work around this to say what you need to say and to say it how you want to say it?

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT

Only once you rehearse and rehearse does it come off looking natural and off the tip of your tongue. Take the time to write it down. Create a sequence of linked thoughts and run it through your mind multiple times the few days leading up to your big day.

STAY ON POINT

Less is more. Everyone likes a good story but you'll lose your guests if too much detail gets included. Also remember that everyone hears these toasts and it's a good idea to keep your stories inclusionary. Inside stories among friends will be lost on a lot of the crowd.

MOTHER KNOWS BEST

Remember all those lessons about manners? This is the place to use them all. Keep the language friendly for all ages and remember it's a toast not a roast.

GETTING STARTED

A nice way to start a toast that gives guests a chance to fall into your words and you a chance to relax is to rely on a quote, poem, song lyrics or even a Top 10 list. Referring to a 3x5 for this portion is perfectly acceptable and hels you break the ice.

BREATHE

Take a few deep breathes before starting and find a comforting face to focus on. Speaking slowly helps calm your voice too if you feel yourself sounding a little breathless.

DRINK LIMIT

If you take away nothing else from this post, take this with you. 2 drink limit before your toast. Trust me, you'll be thankful of this rule the next day.

EX'S

Shocking right? Well, guess what it happens. Leave the ex's in Texas and keep the storytelling current, ex-free and sex-free.

RIGHTING A WRONG

Feeling bad about something that happened long ago? A wedding toast isn't the place to list your failings as a friend or relative. 

In "Rachel Getting Married", Rachel’s sister, Kym, played by Anne Hathaway, confesses to years of misbehavior. Referring to her 12-step program, she apologizes for bouncing checks, passing out in bathtubs and flooding houses. “Rach, I’ve been a nightmare, you’ve been a saint,” she says. “So I am hereby raising my seltzer to my laudatory sister and hereby making amends. Sidney, you are robbing our dysfunctional family of one of its most vital ingredients, and its only member still willing to lend me money. So, boo on you.”

IT'S ALL ABOUT TIMING

End on a high note with a strong voice and glass in the air. Don't let your voice trail off, lead the room with your words right through to the last one. A good rule of thumb in anything, is to leave them wanting more. 

What did you do to rock your wedding toast?

Real Whistler Wedding: Nadia & Wes

Venue: Nicklaus North Golf Resort

Photography: Robin O'Neill Weddings

Wedding Planning and Floral: Bliss Event + Design

Accommodation: Four Seasons

Shuttle: Whistler Glacier Group

Cake: The Flour Pot

Officiant: Sandy Pyatt

Hair & Makeup: Emily Cheng

Ceremony Music: Ron Forbes-Roberts

Wedding Planning: How to Avoid Being a Bridezilla

Yes, it's possible. Despite what many including media and even a tv show says, planning a wedding can be full of Bliss (pun intended), not stress. We've been through the wedding planning process....I'm not sure how many hundreds of times and this list covers all the tips and tricks our brides use. And to be totally honest, we dip into this list periodically too. Yes, even planners need an 'out' every now and then. Hope this read helps you down a path of planning your wedding with an open mind and open heart. Happy decision making!

ENJOY THE MOMENT

You're engaged, yay! Before telling your parents and posting the exciting news on Facebook to alert the world, enjoy the moment together. Heck, enjoy a few days together. It's huge and it's new. How special would it be to indulge in it privately before it starts dominating every corner of your life? Take this time to decide on some of the basics before you're on the receiving end of everyone's exciting ideas, pressure and influence.

STAY CONNECTED

Have a wedding free night. Every week. It won't be easy to steer clear of the subject and everything surrounding it but try and keep at least one foot planted firmly in the good ol' days prior to engagement when there were other things to talk about. Consider it a very worthwhile gift to yourselves.

EMBRACE THE STRESS

It's true, it's a fact. There will be stress when planning your wedding. But if you accept that upfront then you can have a plan in place for handling it. And the good news is it's a fairly simple one. A few things to be ready to accept include:

1) things will go wrong

2) someone will say something that will offend you

3) there will always be someone who feels quite strongly that their way is the right and only way and lastly,

4) back in the day (as in a generation or so), things were done differently.

So what is the solution?  Don't feed into it. Allow yourself to feel the stress, it's normal to feel it. But don't give the people or the negative feelings more power than they deserve.

BOUNDARIES

This is a wise point for anything in life but so much so for your big day. Everyone has an opinion and at times even their own agenda; even if it's a well-meaning gesture . If you and your partner are clear where your boundaries are then it'll elimate a lot of unnecessary stress between the two of you. And never go to bed angry with each other, remember it's stress or negativity from outside sources not within your relationship.

MEDITATE

Zen out. Breathe in thinking "I feel good" and breathe out thinking "I am peaceful". This has stood the test of time for monks and yogis and will work for you too. 

TAKE CARE OF YOU

This will sound like it's written by your mom but it's true. And besides mom's are usually right anyway. Up your prewedding workout routine if you haven't yet. Fresh air and exercise are excellent for positive emotional and psychological effects. Walk, run, workout. Whatever gets your endorphins up and dancing around.

KEEP A JOURNAL

Write it down and make it real. Journaling is a safe way to get your emotions out and when seeing them in the written word, it gives them a place to exist outside of your heart. 

DELEGATE

Ask for help before you get past the point of feeling like you're sinking. One thing true with ANY wedding is there's never a shortage of willing, helping hands. Give them clear direction of exactly what you need done and you'll be able to breathe a little easier.

COMPROMISE

Know what you're willing to give a little on and what is untouchable.

BUDGET

Construct a realistic budget and stick to it. There are family matters, opinions and decisions galore to deal with, but money lays at the root of almost all points of stress. Honor yourselves by honoring the budget. Anyone can throw an incredible affair with an unlimited budget. The true personality of you and your day comes from the creativity that you use in your budget workarounds because in the end it highlights what is most important to you. Money makes life easier but in this case cash doesn't equal happiness.

HIRE A PLANNER

Hire a professional, listen to their advice and let them guide you through the process ensuring nothing is missed and everything is happening on time. Your engagement is a time to relish and enjoy but more importantly, the last thing you wanto be doing it worrying about all the details on your big day.

Why Not to Hire a Professional Wedding Photographer

1. You can save $1000's!

2. There's no wait time to see your photos.

3. You get to own ALL of the files.

4. It's your choice to print them wherever you want.

Sounds great, right? Wrong! Poor lighting, bad setups, backs of heads, crooked horizons or people who have turned their heads to look at something more interesting. The list goes on.

10 REASONS WHY A PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER IS A MUST!

1. Your wedding is a once in a lifetime affair.

2. These photos will last you forever being passed down through the generations.

3. They know how to anticipate and capture the spontaneous moments as well as the classic shots.

4. They won't miss anything on the must have photo list.

5. They can help you to stand properly while looking natural. Hands, feet, eyes, relaxed shoulders etc.

6. They can work with large numbers for group photos.

7. They understand wedding etiquette.

8. They have the right equipment and know how to use it during the day and during processing.

9. Light, light, light! They know what to do with it. 

10. Often they have a second shooter that catches different angles of your whole day.

And before committing to a photographer, be sure to ask all the right questions and be in the know before signing.

Disclaimer: No photographers were defamed during this post. The Company had, not surprisingly already gone bankrupt.